cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
