I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
