Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
