I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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