last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
