If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
