She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
