Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she pinky promised me she was 18
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
