you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
