Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
