matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
