Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
