I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
