my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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