we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
