im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
