Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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