I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Randomize
