have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
