I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
