remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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