There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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