Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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