Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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