put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
