quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
