I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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