What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
even my farts smell like vagina
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
