we have pet lesbian snakes
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
