I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
