May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
