You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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