drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
