I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
