We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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