Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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