ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
