I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
