I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
