Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she peed on how many people?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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