Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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