you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
