John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
