don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
