She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
