The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
