absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
