I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
