the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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