Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
