dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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