Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
