Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
