i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
