I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
