You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
