We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i would punch a child for taco bell
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
